(theconversation.com)
Creating a peaceful shared parenting plan — that also works with everyone's schedule — is no small feat. We asked our experts for their best rules for making joint child custody work for you, your ex, and your kids.
Rule #1: Speak no evil.
Badmouthing the ex will be internalized by the child because they are made up of both you and your ex. Even though you may be pissed at your ex, your child still loves him or her as a parent. Regardless of your feelings about your ex — justified or not — keep them to yourself.
Rule #2: Joint custody is not about you.
The divorce was about you, but custody is about the kids. Shared custody works best when both parents set aside their ego and realize that what is best for the child is not always what feels good for you as a parent.
Rule #3: Be realistic about your own schedule and commitments.
Often during a separation or divorce, parents make unrealistic custody grabs based on fear or insecurity. Instead, look at custody as a business arrangement. Remove your emotions from the situation and look at the facts.
Rule #4: Create a customized custody arrangement for your kids.
When deciding on a custody arrangement, you'll want to take the following into consideration.
- Your children's ages and personalities
- Your family schedule
- The career and social commitments of each parent
- The academic and extracurricular activities to which your children are committed
Rule #5: A bad spouse doesn't equal a bad parent.
Your ex may have dropped the ball and driven you crazy, but even though he or she may not have been a good spouse, it is still possible for him or her to be a good parent.
Rule #6: Find an agreeable way to communicate
For joint child custody to work, communication is key. For the sake of your children (and your sanity), you need to find a method of communication that works for you and your ex.
Rule #7: Pick your battles.
Let's be frank. Parenting is hard enough on its own, and co-parenting adds another layer of complexity. Prevent as many as conflicts as possible with your ex by open communication, but when disagreements do arise, consider if the conflict is truly worth fighting over.
Rule #8: Let your child feel heard.
A child experiences lots of change during a divorce. Allowing the child to express feelings and confusions about the divorce and custody arrangement can help him feel a sense of control in the midst of all that change.
Rule #9: From time to time, review the arrangement and adjust as needed.
Just as your kids will grow and change over time, so should your custody arrangement. Many parents find it helpful to review a custody agreement from time to time to assess how it is working for their children and to make adjustments, particularly as children grow and circumstances change.
Link:https://www.parents.com/parenting/divorce/coping/9-rules-to-make-joint-child-custody-work/