8 Different Behaviors That Will Get You Dumped
June 22, 2020
(Askmen.com)
Struggling With Compromise
“Beware the outsized ego — the part of your psyche that must be right, must win the fight, must get your way,” says Connell Barrett, a dating coach for The League and the founder of Dating Transformation. “It makes you dumpable because your partner feels they’re with someone selfish who never compromises and is hardly the ideal mate. Also, your threatened ego can trigger jealous or possessive behavior, two fast tracks to single-dom.”
Acting Out When You’re Disappointed
Do you sulk, scream, or cause trouble when things don’t go your way? It’s one thing to struggle with compromising, but it’s another to put on a whole show to make your partner feel guilty for having needs and desires of their own. “You have to take care of yourself, and find a way to solve problems and motivate your partner to work with you,” says Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., psychotherapist and author of “How to Be Happy Partners: Working It Out Together.”
Hiding Things From Your Partner
We all tell little white lies here and there, but the foundation of a strong relationship is emotional openness and honesty. It’s too easy for lots of people — men especially, since they’re typically socialized not to talk about their feelings — to keep quiet around what’s really going on with them.
“In relationships, trust and connection are fragile,” says Barrett. “Secrets, withholding parts of your past, not sharing your day-to-day life — these can feel like larger deceptions to your partner. If your partner feels that you’re hiding the real you behind a mask, that can weaken your mutual connection. If they feel disconnected from you, there’s a chance they’ll want to end things.”
Always Being Negative
On the flip side, sometimes it can be hard to keep a lid on negative emotions. When you love someone, it can feel like they’re always the best choice for opening up about the feelings you have, no matter how angry or sad they are. But doing too much of this, or never breaking the pattern with lighter moments, could start to burn your partner out.
“If you whine, complain, are depressed or feel sorry for yourself too often, you'll be too much of a downer for your partner to handle,” explains Tessina. “Learn to count your blessings, give compliments, and look on the bright side at least 75% of the time. You'll get what you focus on, and if you focus on misery, you'll be miserable alone.”
Failing to Keep Your Word
There’s another way to undermine trust that has less to do with your partner and more to do with you: the inability to keep promises. This could be being late to dinner because you went out for drinks with your pals first, or taking money from a shared bank account to pay for a bad habit.
“If you're struggling with compulsive behavior such as overeating, gambling, drugs, alcohol or spending money, and you keep breaking promises, you destroy the trust in your relationship, and eventually the love,” says Tessina. “Get it under control, or get proper treatment before getting into a relationship.”
Micro-Cheating
You might never have sex with another person while in your relationship, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be unfaithful. You might be simply partaking in a very modern behavior: micro-cheating, or engaging in small acts of flirtation, typically over text or social media, that can violate the spirit of a monogamous partnership if not the letter of the law.
Never Showing Initiative
Failing to be actively engaged in the relationship can feel deeply exhausting to your partner, ultimately leading to an unhappy dynamic. “Does your significant other always plan the things you do together? Are they the one who always initiates sex? Red flag,” notes Barrett. “If you don’t make an effort, it may make your partner feel more invested in the relationship than you are. If they have more chips on the table than you do, they may want to cash out.”
Refusing to Listen
All of the problems on this list are fixable if they’re caught in time … except, perhaps, this one. If you’re not listening to what your partner is saying, you’ll be completely in the dark about the process of small things becoming big things.
“If you don't care about what your partner thinks, wants and feels, you prevent them from loving you,” says Tessina. “Listen to what they say, and the way that they say it (even non-verbally.) If you just go on what you're thinking and feeling, you'll be missing all the clues about what makes them happy.”
Link:AskMen.com