The Unwritten Rules to live by!!

Unwritten Rules



Social Situations

  • Always allow people to first exit the elevator before you get on it.
  • When the host starts cleaning, it's time to leave the party.
  • Gentlemen should hold doors open and pull out chairs.
  • Men should walk on the curb side of the street.
  • No giant umbrellas if you live in a city.
  • Right side of the escalator is for standing and the left side for climbers.
  • No texting in the movie theater.
  • At the gym, you can’t be louder than the size of the muscles you have. (The bigger you are, the louder you can grunt.)
  • If it’s your birthday . . . you do NOT have to pay for your birthday dinner.
  • If you let your friends pay for your birthday dinner, you have to attend your friends’ birthday dinners.
  • No talking on the cell phone when ordering from someone at the counter.
  • Wearing headphones in public is code for don't talk to me.
  • You must ask before petting someone else's dog.
  • Having a dog in public is social code for "Please talk to me."
  • No white pants after Labor Day.
  • In elevators and subways, let people out before you enter.
  • Bring your shopping cart back to the cart corral.
  • Call your mother.
  • You don’t ask women how much they weigh.
  • You don’t ask women if they are pregnant.

Dining

  • Don’t cough near a buffet.
  • Wash your hands in the bathroom. Even if you’re not an employee.
  • Tipping service workers well. 20% or better if the service is good.

Bathroom

  • No Talking. Let’s be clear: the men’s restroom is not a good place to make new friends.
  • Eyes Forward: A wandering eye at a line of urinals is great way to get yourself punched in the face.
  • Check for Feet: do the smart thing and check for feet before entering a stall.
  • Don’t Pee on the Toilet Paper.
  • Flush Your Deuce.

Transportation

  • Push your shopping cart on the right side of the aisle. Then stop and look both ways before proceeding out of your aisle
  • When you're driving in the left lane and want to let someone go in front of you, blink your headlights off and on to let them know they can go. Don't use your high beams. If someone lets you go in front of you, also blink your lights off and on to thank them.
  • Yellow light means speed up.
  • Left lane is not for driving slow.
  • You’re allowed to drive 10 miles over the speed limit before getting a ticket.

Friendship

  • Never date your friend's ex.
  • Don’t hit on other people’s significant others.
  • Never befriend the ex's new girlfriend.
  • Never reveal your friend's secret.
  • Never leave a drunk friend alone.
  • In case of extreme drunkenness, hair shall be held.
  • Only post flattering pics of your friends on Facebook.
  • Unflattering pics are ONLY allowed if you're both striking an equally weird pose.
  • No girl shall frequent the bathroom alone.
  • When faced with unwanted attention, girls always come to each other's rescue.

Romance And Hook Ups

  • You shall offer coffee and/or breakfast to your overnight guest. If you don’t have any to offer, you shall walk with or drive that person to the nearest establishment which serves coffee and/or breakfast. If the person declines, their loss.
  • If a hook up is in your bed the next morning, you must offer them something to take away their morning breath.
  • If you had sex in the kitchen. You don’t tell your roommates you had sex in the kitchen.
  • If your girlfriend says “I’m fine” she is not fine.
  • Women should initiate sexting.

Business

  • Don’t eat food out of the community refrigerator that isn’t yours!
  • Officers in the Marines do not eat until their Marines have eaten.
  • Fashion: Your outfit should be 90% black.
  • “Mafia”: Don’t ask them about their business.
  • Police officers don’t give other police officers and their families tickets.
  • Private Investigators: “If she thinks he is cheating, he is probably cheating.”

College

  • “Let your roommates hook up.”
  • “If you’re screwing around on your lap top during class . . . go to the back of the room.” The front is for the people who actually need to do really well in the class.
  • “Don’t talk about high school.” It's over. Nobody cares.
  • “The Fifteen Minute Rule” If the teacher doesn't appear after 15 minutes when class start without notice, you could walk out.
  • “No Questions At The End Of Class” Don't be the jerk asking questions at the end of class, keeping everyone else there. If you think of a question and there are less than 10 minutes left, wait until after class to ask the professor.
  • “No Need To Buy The Books” Don't buy any of the required text books until you actually attend the class, check out the syllabus, and talk to past students. You can often get a free (or cheap) e-copy or book from past students.
  • “Politely Ask Them To Be Quiet.” If your neighbors are being loud, go knock on the door and ask them to quiet down before you call the RA or the cops.
Jake and Woody

Jake and Woody

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