Single? Rejoice for these reasons!!

Stay single!



Having The Bed To YourselfSignificant others are  quick to take over your personal territory in the bedroom. Sleeping  alone lets your avoid a potential bed hog.

Your Favorite Disgusting HabitsWho  wants to eat a massive ice cream sundae while drinking a beer in bed in  front of their lover? That’s right, someone who hates having sex.

More MoneyDates  can be expensive, especially if you’re with someone you’re trying to  impress. It takes very little to impress yourself… a tall can and some  television will do.

Sleeping AroundSometimes  it’s great to have reliably good sex with someone you care deeply about.  Other times, a good f**k comes in the form of an enthusiastic stranger  who never gave you his name. Or, like, ten enthusiastic strangers  (probably not at once, though).

Focusing On Your HobbiesWho’s going to take the time to learn Sanskrit and plough through seven novels a month when they’re in relationship?

No One Keeping Tabs On Your Actions“What did you yesterday, honey? Oh yeah? With who? That doesn’t sound very safe…” Please, who needs this all the time?

Avoiding A Second FamilyYou’ve already got your own nagging parents to deal with. Why take one someone else’s, as well?

Personal GrowthSure,  you can learn and grow in a relationship, but doing so by yourself has a  lot more longevity in terms of independent happiness.

Your CareerWithout  the warmth of constant companionship, your job can become your best  friend. This can lead to things like promotions, higher pay, an in with  your boss, and lots of other things that people in couples are too busy  cooing into each other’s ears to care about.

ExerciseThe  “sex is exercise” excuse only works until you notice the folds that  begin to appear when you’re sitting on your ass all the time because you  don’t have to go anywhere to get laid.

Being Single at WeddingsOnly total saps let weddings depress them if they attend sans partner. An open bar and tons of horny partygoers?

Friend TimeHave  you ever noticed how friends in serious relationships disappear into  the black hole of couplehood? This doesn’t have to be you. Friendships  are important relationships, too, you know.

His/Her FriendsLoving  someone doesn’t mean that you will automatically love her friends.  You’d never have to hang around best pal Kelsey with the high-pitched  laugh and nasal voice if you were single.

Choosing All of Your Own ActivitiesYou  don’t have to worry about feeling obligated to go to brunch with her  cousin or on that dreaded ski trip with his family when you’ve never  worn a pair skis in your life if you don’t have a significant other  pleading with you to do so.

Saying “No”If  friends ask you do something distasteful with them, you can decline the  invitation. When it comes to your lover, “no” is not always an option.

Making A MessIf no one else dwells in your room, who cares if your dirty laundry has been all over the floor for weeks? No one but you.

And Not Having To Clean Up After Your PartnerIt’s pretty annoying if you’re a neat freak and your significant other doesn’t mind a week’s worth of unwashed dishes.

Choosing Your Own DécorYou don’t have to compromise with anybody else’s personal style when you live by yourself.

Single Self-PityIt  can be fun to indulge your single woes in ways that people in couples  can’t…like through getting wasted by yourself at the bar while you rant  to the bartender about your lonely existence until he closes up shop and  you f**k on one of the stools.

VarietyFalling  into a routine as a couple is easy. When you’re by yourself, you can  hang out with a different person every single night!

No Hiding PurchasesSometimes the person you’re with judges you for spending your money on $300 sweaters.T

he Delicious Snacks You Buy Are All YoursYou  don’t have to worry about eating that whole cake in one sitting because  otherwise you know your partner will leave you with crumbs.

And No One Can Tell You Not To Eat Them…because it’s “bad for your health” if you do. When you’re on your own, your health is actually your health.

No Forced LoveNot  for your partner, of course, but for his dog or cats or kids. Forget  pretending to adore Fluffy when you hate that his copious, white hair  gets all over your black outfits and never comes off, regardless of how  many times you use the lint roller.

Social MediaWith  social media, people with internet access know way more about our lives  than we would like them to. That includes our significant others, who  are more likely to pry into our time spent without them than anyone else  is (except for your elderly mom, who just friended you on Facebook).

Freedom To MoveYou got an amazing job offer out of state? Great, you can go. No one else’s dream job at home is stopping you.

There’s No One Judging Your FamilyNo  one can complain about your family like a significant other can. He  knows too much and may very well not be too shy to rant about it.

Pregnancy ScaresIf  you’re not with the person who accidentally impregnated you, you don’t  have to have “a talk” about whether or not to keep the baby.

TV PrivilegesWho  controls the remote at your house? You do. No having to watch the news  and pretend to care about current events when all you really want to do  is stare at hour after hour of “Law and Order: SVU.”

SnoringWhether you do it or your partner does, you don’t have to worry about waking her up or her waking you up.

The Toilet SeatIt will stay in the position you leave it in, whatever that may be.

Getting Married Is Such A ProductionFrom  the flower arrangements to getting your Uncle Milty and Aunt Roberta to  sit in the same room, the whole things doesn’t seem worthwhile.  Unfortunately, your partner probably wants to make it a big thing, or at  least your parents do.

And So Is DivorceIt may  very well be more expensive than your wedding. And pretty emotionally  draining, if you’re not just thinking in terms of dollars and cents.

Arguments Won’t End In You Sleeping on the CouchYou can have a tiff with your best friend or co-worker and still end up sleeping in your own bed.

Doing Things At Your Own PaceYou  don’t have to constantly wait for someone or attend to your lover’s  cries of “hurry the f**k up—we’re already two hours late for that  dinner!”

No Worries About Your Partner Sleeping AroundInstead,  you will have the assurance that most people you’re sleeping with are  probably also sleeping around, and so are you, and nobody cares.

Only Your Alarm Clock Will Wake You Up in the MorningForget his alarm or him pawing at your for sex when it’s seven in the morning and you don’t have to be at work until noon.

Dealing With Someone Else’s Emotions Is Hard

As if struggling with your own sanity wasn’t tough enough, you have  to constantly keep tabs on someone else’s mental health when you’re in a  couple. Why make life more work than it already is?

Jake and Woody

Jake and Woody

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