Thinking these FOUR things can ruin your dating life

Don't ruin your dating life by believing these four things.

   

(Advice.eharmony.com)

Overgeneralization

With this distorted belief, we arrive at a general conclusion based  on a single incident or a single piece of evidence. If something bad  happens only once, we convince ourselves that it will happen every time.  For example, if your last date didn’t want to kiss you at the end of  the evening, you overgeneralize the situation and tell yourself “No one  is attracted to me.” The healthy way to frame the experience: “I don’t  know why she didn’t like me, but people have liked me in the past, and  someone will inevitably like me again in the future.”

Jumping to Conclusions

Jumping to conclusions represents one of the most common mistakes men  and women make in dating, falling prey to the belief that they have  x-ray vision and can see what someone else thinks and feels. Without  your date saying anything, you know what they are feeling and why they  act the way they do. The tendency to jump to conclusions and convince  yourself that you know what the other person thinks or feels represents a  distorted belief because you simply cannot know what someone new thinks  or feels. Why?

Catastrophizing

Men and women who present the next distorted belief, catastrophizing,  tend to be overly emotional. They may be drama queens or attention  seekers, or they may have anxiety, profound insecurities, or bad  tempers. Regardless of the specifics, they are emotional people and can  be highly emotionally reactive. With this distorted belief, you are  always waiting for disaster to strike. For example, the guy you have  gone out with a few times suddenly stops responding to your calls and  texts for a day. Because your distorted belief system causes you to see  everything as a potential catastrophe, you instantly tell yourself that  he lost interest, broke up without even telling you, and is probably  getting back together with his ex-girlfriend.

Personalizing

Personalizing reflects another distorted belief that impacts many men  and women in dating. Personalizing refers to the tendency to take  something personally that may not be personal. For example, you call the  woman you just started dating on the phone and she sounds distracted  and irritated, so you personalize the situation and have the distorted  belief that the way she acted with you had to do with the way she feels  about you. The healthy reaction: “I don’t know her very well so I can’t  be sure what to make of her mood, so I will wait a day and things will  probably go back to normal.”

The takeaway message

Overall, most of us are guilty of having some distorted beliefs about  ourselves, others, and the world around us. The goal isn’t to have  perfectly happy and normal beliefs all the time, but to catch ourselves  when our thinking might be getting a little off-track. Keep an eye on  your tendency to indulge in any of these four distorted beliefs, and you  will have a much less anxious – and more fulfilling – time dating.

Jake and Woody

Jake and Woody

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