The commandments of dating you should follow.
FOLLOW THESE COMMANDMENTS!
THOU SHALT BELIEVE PEOPLE WHEN THEY SHOW YOU WHO THEY ARE. I used to make excuses for red flags in dating. I’d shrug things off like someone smoking weed when that’s not OK with me. I’d tell myself, “Well, maybe it’s not that often…” Now I don’t bother. If people show me something that’s sketchy or undesirable, I believe them. I take them at their word too—I don’t try to figure them out.
THOU SHALT ALWAYS TRUST YOUR GUT. There’s a quiet voice deep down in my stomach. I have to be still in order to hear it, so I have to listen closely. It speaks to me about what’s best for me on mental, physical, and spiritual levels. It’s almost never wrong, but I don’t always listen to it. My dating commandment is to listen to that voice, even when it doesn’t make logical sense. If it’s telling me to get out of a relationship, that’s it, I’m out.
THOU SHALT REFRAIN FROM PLAYING SILLY GAMES. There are SO many ridiculous dating games out there. One of my biggest pet peeves is when people say “no double texting.” That’s just BS. Who cares if you text twice? I know I certainly don’t. I refrain from involving myself in these obnoxious games. I’d rather be a straight shooter, being clear with the person I’m dating.
THOU SHALT STICK TO YOUR DEAL BREAKERS. Inconsistency is a huge deal breaker for me, I won’t stand for it. Someone who doesn’t understand enthusiastic consent is another. There are just certain things that I demand from a partner. If I’m sticking to my commandment, I leave when someone is showing that they’re guilty of a deal breaker.
THOU SHALT NOT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS THAN IMPECCABLE COMMUNICATION. I’m a fantastic communicator in relationships. I’m clear, honest, and thoughtful amongst other things. I deserve someone who’s equally as stellar in getting their message across. As a result, I refuse to settle for anything less than what I can offer.
THOU SHALT WORK ON YOURSELF BEFORE AND CONTINUE TO DO WORK ON YOURSELF DURING THE RELATIONSHIP. I’m always a work-in-progress. I’m trying to be the best person I can be for myself as well as for people in my life, including lovers. I continue to work on myself while I’m with someone. I don’t let that drop because I’m excited about someone new. This is very important.
THOU SHALT DARE TO BE VULNERABLE. Vulnerability is one of my most cherished values. It’s so special. It’s opening my heart, mind, and/or body to another person. This value is the cornerstone of a healthy and successful relationship. It’s how we connect to each other and grow in love. Not everyone is able to be deeply vulnerable, but I expect my partner to be just as I will be.
THOU SHALT BE HONEST, NO MATTER HOW DIFFICULT. Honesty is crucial to healthy relationships. I’m honest about how I’m feeling and what I want. These aren’t always easy tasks because it’s challenging to put my feelings out there. It’s totally worth it, though, and I hold myself to this standard very strictly even when it’s uncomfortable.
THOU SHALT HAVE YOUR OWN LIFE. This may seem obvious, but there was a time in my life when I lived for codependency. I didn’t have any hobbies or interests because I spent all of my time with a partner. Now I make sure to have my own very full life. A partner is an addition to that, not the sole focus. This helps me to have a balanced relationship with myself as well as the person I’m dating.
THOU SHALT ALWAYS SEEK TO LEARN SOMETHING.Most relationships and dates are going to be a flop. That’s just how it goes. Nothing, though, is ever wasted if I can pull a lesson from it. Even if it’s something simple, I can always seek to learn something from each experience that I have. Dating is a whole lot more positive this way.
THOU SHALT DROP GENDER EXPECTATIONS.As a queer person, gender expectations don’t really fly anyway. Though I do date a lot of men and in those situations, I drop the stupid “norms.” I call and text men first. I ask them out. I offer to split the bill or I pay for it outright. All of these things are ridiculous outdated rules that need to be thrown out. They have no place in my dating life.