Here are five reminders of what not to do in the presence of Mr. or Mrs. Maybe Right.
Bring up your therapy moments!
Leave your therapist at home! Let your date get to know you naturally. You don’t need to sell them and you definitely don’t need to bring your ah-ha moments about your relationship history into the date. The biggest mistake I hear clients make? Taking too much airtime on the first few dates explaining what their relationship failures of the past have been. We don’t need to bond through our pain.
Keeping the conversation momentum going and going and going too far…
It’s not your job to entertain anyone.
For Women: We’re natural caretakers, but carrying the weight of the conversation in an effort to keep it flowing is exhausting for anyone. Let some dead air time exist between the two of you and let him be the one to jump in to fill it.
If the two of you click, the conversation will flow. If you carry the conversation, you won’t witness whether or not the two of you are conversationally compatible. Communication research has shown that men form thoughts and articulate them at a different pace than women do. Count to 10 in your head during an awkward conversational pause and give your date a chance to jump in—99 percent of the time, they will.
For Men: Yes you want to impress us, but if the sound of your own voice is all that you hear on your first few dates, you’re going overboard.
Conversations are like sports. If one person holds the ball too long, the game is over. Let that conversational orb bounce back and forth between the two of you. Ask questions, get to know her and watch to see if she wants to get to know you too. It’s sweet to try and impress her, but dating is about furthering your knowledge about the other person and then deciding if you want to continue.
Texting, calling, Facebooking and tweeting too often in hopes of being witty and staying on their mind post date.
Nature abhors a vacuum, so trust space. Create some for them to miss you and in the meantime, get on with your life. Needy isn’t attractive. If you want to text a: Thank you I had a great time would you like to do it again? that night or the next morning, by all means, do it! But don’t touch base over and over again. Let there be room between the two of you for the winds of love to actually blow in.
Trying too hard. We often forget to lean back and give each other room to lean in.
Ever try to catch a bug in a swimming pool? The faster you move your hand forward trying to grab it, the more out of reach it floats. Pull back a little and let them float toward you. When we have healthy self-esteem, we lean back a little more, watch as things unfold and trust the process. If you’re fabulous—which you are—a good person will recognize it.
Speaking of trying too hard, here’s my last dating foul: Trying too hard to be sexy or need I say it? Macho!
Dress as sexy, tight or skimpy as you’d like to, just be mindful of your reasoning behind it. If it’s for yourself because you feel fabulous, go for it; but if it’s because you think you’re supposed to dress a certain way, or in an effort to be something you think the other person wants, take a moment to reflect.